Replica
by gpelous
Summary: After defeating the Collector, Shepard ponders whether or not he should knock on the door of Operation Chief Ashley M. Williams. Based on the song "Replica" by Sonata Arctica. Reviews more than welcome, rated T for some words. ME2 SPOILERS


_Disclaimer : I do not own any of mass effect. Wish I did though. I am neither a member of Sonata Arctica_

_Author note : I am not a native english speaker so you will find some glitches here and there. The story is written after the song "Replica" by Sonata Arctica. All reviews will be appreciated._

**Replica**

I did it, I defied all odds, with a made up team composed of almost all the deadliest people you could find in the Galaxy. But here I stand, in front of your home. I have defeated the Collectors, blown up their base. I have defeated a thresher maw on foot with Grunt and Zaeed... But, then, I was not afraid. Kind of easy to lock on the target and shoot. Sure, there were some close call, I barely reached the Normandy while escaping the station but nothing like this.

_I'm home again_

_I won the war_

_and now I am behind your door. _

_I tried so hard to obey the law_

_and see the meaning of this all. _

_Remember me? _

_Before the war.  
I'm the man who lived next floor. _

_Long ago..._

When I learned you made it in time to escape the Normandy, my heart almost jumped through my chest. Not that I expected anything after two years when you thought me dead. But for me, Ilos was only 2 months old and my "death" 4 hours away and if there was one person I wanted to see waking up, it was you. I tried everything but the Illusive Man and Anderson couldn't or wouldn't tell me where you were. Then, I focused on the mission, wishing I'd come across some intel about your location. And Horizon came. I have to admit, the mission was secondary when I was told you were there. I wasn't as careful as I usually was. Fortunately, Grunt is a tank and Garrus was as sharp as ever, saved my butt more often than I care to admit.

_  
They made me a heart of steel, the kind them bullets  
cannot see, yeah..._

_  
Nothing's what it seems to be,  
I'm a replica, I'm a replica  
Empty shell inside of me  
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me..._

I'm sure you didn't realize what it meant for me, to see you again. Guess the Cerberus insignia on my uniform didn't make a good first impression. Well, I was never the fashion guy. But your anger and the way you looked at me...I just wished I could disappear. You ripped my heart and I went into automatic mode after this. Whatever assignment popped up on my map, I went through it, bullied my way in and out. I just wanted to end the mission and get lost. Kelly kept telling me about the messages I had received but I didn't care. It was a blur. Jumping from a system to an other, scanning the planets for resources or mercenaries, sometimes helping my squad mates. One by one, we took down the hurdle to the Omega-4 relay. But it didn't make me feel any better. I was as empty as you could be. Cerberus had done a nice job rebuilding me, no question about that. I had a better view, better reflexes, and others small improvements here and there that made the mission possible. I was also able to switch from being a somewhat limited soldier to a sentinel. I lost a bit in firepower but once you are used to it, the combination is as deadly as it can be. And with you by my side, I would have had all the firepower I could hope for.

_The light is green _

_my slate is clean, _

_new life to fill the hole in me. _

_I had no name, last December, _

_Christmas Eve I can't remember._

_I was in a constant pain_

_I saw your shadow in the rain. _

_I painted all your pictures red,  
I wish I had stayed home instead._

It has been three months since the Collectors were dealt with. Three months since we are operating on free lance, mainly on the leads provided by Liara, and harassing the Council to get them to acknowledge the threat. In the mean time, I finally got your location and I know you are here, maybe behind the door, with your sisters and mother. A part of me doesn't want to go in. But I need you. I can not go on firing my guns around the galaxy without a purpose. I have shed more than my share of blood. I have had my share of pain, not only bruises, sprain articulations. Do you know how it feels to look at myself in the mirror and not to know who is this guy? This shell is not mine, it is not who I was. But as Thane says, it is merely a vessel. And in a pitiful state. The scars on my face are healed, but the shattered clavicle on Illium, my ribs injured in the reaper derelict ship, the blown ankle on Tuchanka still hurt. I am a battered soldier without a purpose and the fire is slowly fading.

_Nothing's what it seems to be,  
I'm a replica, I'm a replica  
Empty shell inside of me  
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me..._

I finally read the message you sent me after Horizon. A blessing in disguise. But what if I am too late? What if you wrote those world out of guilt and because of the memories we shared? I can't risk that, I can't. Horizon was tough enough, I don't want it to happen again.

_Are you gonna leave me now, when it is all over  
Are you gonna leave me, is my world now over..._

I am not on leave, so I'm wearing my N7 armor as back in the days, more scratched than ever. I have stayed faithful, more because I was mentally out than anything else but it is clear for me now. It is either make or break, As it was when I died.

_Raising from the place I've been, _

_and trying to keep my home base clean. _

_Now I'm here and won't go back believe._

The situation was dire enough not to risk more for the crew...especially when I counted you in it. You had to go as soon as possible. I have read the report of Chakwas, how you were frantic when you met with Joker and he told you I didn't make it. It was my call, it was my choice, as it was to come back to save you on Virmire. But the burden weighted more and more as the mission came to an end. No blame but a load of guilt... I don't know what is worst. But dying was not so bad. No responsibility anymore, no politicians, nothing to worry about, just silence and peace. Gone were the scream of the orphanage, of my unit in Akuze, the vision, the nightmares, the guilt...

_I fall asleep and dream a dream,_

_ I'm floating in the__ silent stream. _

_No-one placing blame on me_

_  
But nothing's what it seems to be_

Whatever happens here and now, while I ponder if I should knock on this door, one thing is certain in my mind. Here is where I belong. At your side. Whether you want it or not, it is you choice to make. I have made mine. You are the fire in my guts. The reason I made it this far. I won't quit

_I'm home again, _

_I won the war, _

_and now I am behind your door. _

_I tried so hard _

_to obey the law, _

_see the meaning of this all. _

_Remember me? _

_Before the war.  
I'm the man who lived... _

Knock knock


End file.
